When we got to Largashbur it was all a bit of an anticlimax. Just like the postcard suggests, the Malacath Ritual is usually just one big continual unadulterated party, with music, dancing, women, alcohol and Skooma. I was hoping to see Mjoll let her hair down and get wild, but they've obviously been having some problems cos there were only a hand full of the tribe left and their chief Yamarz had banned any form of partying. Apparently he's fed up with "puny humans", drinking all the booze and running off with all the best sheorcs. In fact he made several brave jibes about how me and Mjall shouldn't even be sullying the ritual with our presence in the first place.
He's turned into a bit of a dick since becoming chief, and apparently he's had a bit of a falling out with a family of travelling cave giants that have decided to stop and pitch up tents in Fallowstone cave. Since they turned up, livestock have gone missing, wheels have been half inched off the Orcs carts, there's Mammoth poo patties all over the place, and you can't leave the camp without one of them trying to force You to buy their lucky Dragon's tongue.
I pointed out that we had supplied the ingredients for the ritual so he said we could stay, although that didn't stop him from constantly winging about are kind, bloody racist.
while Atub was mixing the ingredients, and drinking the whole bottle of BlackBrier white spirit, the voice of Malacath boomed from the skies and began giving Yamarz a right roasting. Me and Mjoll ended up in a fit of giggles listening toYamarz being admonished for letting the camp go to ruin. Malacath has charged him with a quest to go and kill Shagratt, the chief giant and bring back his sacred Croquet stick thing. Me and Mjoll were ordered to go with him to make sure he didn't get lost or something. Mjoll don't like to take orders, but as I pointed out, it was a cave, and we get to smash giants, that put a lustful grin back on her face.
Fallowstone cave turned out to be a small class 3f. About 5 acres, cathedral high ceiling, running water, a medium sized waterfall, and home to a clan of bears, at least there used to be as I'm sure I've been here before. There were no bears, or giants, but there was now a back door in the far chamber that Yamarz said the giants had knocked out into a sunny glade. You could tell by the smell and the fact that Yamarz suddenly had an attack of cowardice that we had neared the giants camp. He started complaining that his war wound was acting up, and started searching in his sack for some medicinal herbs. I've been to the DreamDragons Theatre so I know what good acting is, and Yarmarz's performance was nothing like it, but we came to an agreement. We go kill the giants and we get to stay at Largashbur 4 weeks every year for free and we get some complimentary bath robes. I think me and Mjall had been expecting him to woos out anyway, rucking pussy.
Well we annihilated the giant and got the Croquet mallet. Shagratt was the only one there. The rest of his Mess had probably gone out hunting, thieving or whatever it is they do at night, leaving their chief with obviously too much time on his hands. When we crept to the edge of camp he was busy mincing around the fire in some sort of homemade silk dress and tiara, talking in his best lady voice, and blowing kisses to the trees. It was such a funny sight that Mjoll blew her cover with another outburst of the giggles. I did warn her about the Largashbur weed.
The chief had looked up from his hilarious roll play frozen like an over sized bunny in Mage light, and growled in Mjoll's direction. It was funny. if id had time i would have taken a picture there and then. He was pretty big for a giant, more like a mountain giant, and he hadn't seen me, so i stayed in the shadows and we performed the "Hunters Lure" technique. Its like the game of chicken with a sting. Mjoll gets their attention and then stands her ground while they charge towards her. We've used this move on Bears, Druags and various other mammals many times. I wait in the shadows, weapon drawn, and as the target gets within striking distance of Mjoll, i leap out from nowhere and end their pain. Not once have i seen Mjoll flinch, and i let them get pretty close before i attack. This time i really tried.
Shagratt would have been an impressive sight as he thundered towards her if not for the fact that he had his mallet in one hand and his dress hem in the other so that his ruby red slippers sparkled in the moonlight. As he raised his weapon and boar down on Mjoll, id waited later than i ever have before springing from my hide and kebabbing him with my blade. Id let him get so close that blood had spattered onto Mjoll's face, and she didn't even blink, as his charge came to a clumsy halt of disbelief, just feet away from her. His gigantic, Priscilla Queen of the woods body, came crashing down like a mighty tree at Mjolls feet, and shed just looked at me, wiped the blood from her face and let out a roar, crazy bitch.
We found most of the Orcs cart wheels, remains of livestock, and a couple of sheorcs fast asleep in the chiefs tent, but nothing of interest to the seasoned adventurer so we grabbed the Croquet stick and left
It was no surprise that when we returned to where Yamarz was now drinking ale and gorging himself on the last of the pulled pork, he said that he had changed his mind about the free accommodation deal, and that he was going to have to kill us. He wanted to take the mallet back and claim all glory of the kill. Well that's 30 seconds ill never get back.Then he tried to leg it, another 30 seconds wasted. Then he tried apologising, but the rules of the C.A.C clearly state "No retreat, no surrender" or "You started this so I'm Gonna finish it"!
Arrived back at Largashbur after a long night of Revaling and marshmallows by the camp fire, only to find that Malacath was not available for the ritual as he'd popped off to a health spar for the weekend. Instead his eldest daughter Sharunn was standing in for him and she sounded hot. Apparently things have gone pretty much to plan. Malacath knew that Yam would get us to do his dirty work and foresaw that we would dispose of him so all was good in the hood. She said that Yam's offer would be honoured and even signed the bath robes for us. She said that that Nords are more impressive than she had imagined, especially when it comes to ravelling, that we were now her favoured champions, and when i tried to present the Mallet to her, she said that i should keep it as she wants her champion to have a big mallet. I may have blushed, I'm not sure.
Its been two days and we are half way to the Nightgate. would have been there by now if someone hadn't jacked our dragon at Largashbur. It was nice sitting by the fire this evening, relaxing in the warm air and free from our armour for the first time in a week, I told Mjoll how Shharun had slipped her calling card in my codpiece as we'd left. Mjoll was stretched out on a cow skin, letting the light from fire dance over her exposed torso, a lusty grin smeared across her face. Turns out that Mjoll had caught the goddesses eye as well...