Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 11

Log 11

 On my way back to the manor, I wondered again about Adrienne's nervousness during my visit and couldn't help noticing on the way home that it seemed to be a common condition. Doors closed and windows shuttered as I walked through the sticks. The weirdest thing was that everyone seemed to stink of garlic.
       
When i finally got back home, i found Lydia having a Nymph summers party with a dozen of her lady friends and i found myself banished to the cellar to work on my smithing, as men aren't allowed to these sort of parties. i went quietly as i knew full well that i had a nice big stash of invisibility potions down there. All i can say is wow, what a great party!

       
Received a letter from Kharjo, an old friend from the Windscape branch of C.A.C in Dawnstar. I haven't seen him since last Morning Star, when i was working out some Evil villain problems for the head honcho in Ravenrock, when my steed, Shadowmere, went missing.
         Apparently he's staying at the Nightgate inn for the next month, and then him and some of the gang are going off cave exploring. There's a Smash, (Ancient tomb) in The Pale that they have heard rumours about. The letter didn't say much more, but I took it as an invite. It may not be an ancient cave, but even i can appreciate an ancient tomb, I used to be a fully paid up member of T.A.C.

       
Managed to legend up some Ebony, Elven and Dwarfen armour ready for the armoury, which Lydia (the wife) recons is turning into some sort of museum. Could be some money in that idea. I told her she could be an exhibit, that went down like an Iron balloon.

         
Had got my C.A.C grab bag ready, my weapons had been charged, sharpened, and I'd given Lydia her potion to try and help with her constant shuffling. I was just about to walk out the door when Atub, the head priestess from Largashbur paid a visit. Now i don't mind Orcs in general, and I know there was all that trouble in middle earth with Sauron and the trees and stuff, but I'm not so sure they had any other way to get the right to vote.
       
Anyway, she turned up as I was saying my goodbyes, on the scrounge for ingredients for their ritual to Malacath. I gave her the Deidra heart, Troll fat and BlackBriar white spirit, but I drew the line at letting her have Hoar (my son), for the blood letting, much as I'd like to be shot of the little brat for a while, and anyway, she said that a Coney would do the job just as well. Lydia insisted that I escort her back as its on my way, well actually isn't, but i have a dragon coupon that's good for one week, so I thought, what the hell.

A classic postcard of the Ritual at Largashbur

       
Have just made a pit stop at lake Honrich in the Rift after spotting a bit of trouble on the shore. Bit of a surprise as it turned out to be Mjoll. Haven't seen her since she was chief bridesmaid at my wedding. Me and Atub sat down and watched her dispatching half a dozen bandits single handed. She is just amazing, striking out, first with the sword then the axe. At one point she actually smashed one guys face with the blunt side of her axe as he came in from the left, while simultaneously delivering a mighty uppercut to a guy on the right with her dagger, grunting like a wild cat with every blow, that's why the C.A.C named her the lioness.
         
After we had caught up on old times, I explained about My escort duties, and about meeting up with Kharjo and the gang for a bit of smash and grab. She begged to come , in that deep husky Nordic voice, saying "She was itching for a good fight". I pointed out the bandits bodies sprawled around the camp site, but she just said "yes, but it wasn't a fair fight, they were bandits, and there were only six of them". Man, I love that accent.



   

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 10

Log 10

 Its happened again. Bob and me were working late into the night, and i was just showing him out when another dragon just dropped dead from the sky and landed on the front lawn. It smelt like it had been dead for a week. This is the tenth dragon to shuffle off its mortal coil and land in my yard and I'm beginning to wonder if I've built my house under some sort of Dragon Skyrim Triangle. Come to think of it, i did get given this whole piece of land for free when i spent over 60 gp at Widgets and fings. Mmmm... My missus recons it might be something to do with being Dragon born. I'm not quite sure what to do about it but I've sent Hedge out to hire someone from Pest control to see if there's anything that can be done.
       
       
I'm off to Whiterun tomorrow to get some more glass as I'm having to build a second armory. I Really have got a lot more artifacts, weapons and Armour than i realized. Some of this stuff is going to need cleaning, or carbon dating lol. So i need to draw up some plans and then I'm off round Kyten's for some band practice and a social this evening.
       
         
"Bug off" (pest control) have just left. He said that dragons are not really what he deals with and suggested i try a Mage. I'm that desperate i'll try anything at this point, they make such a dent when they hit the ground and I'm running out of places to bury them. I'll ask around while I'm in Whiterun tomorrow.

A classic shot of Dragonreach

The members of the Bannered mare cave appreciation club.

That's me, front right.

 Its been quite a few months since i went to Whiterun. It all started off so pleasantly. Bumped into Adrienne of Warmaidens and she seemed pleased to see me after all these months and yet nervous at the same time. I just put it down to her being star struck. It happens a lot when your dragon born, I've kind of got complacent about it now.
       
I stuck a big fat bag of coins in her charcoal smeared hands along with an order for a substantial amount of iron. Then Olfberth (Adrienne"s Partner), Walked in from out the back, gave me a look that said, "I have my suspicions about how my wife hurt her back when she went to the wedding at the Blue Palace, and it may have been a long time ago, but I'm the type of guy that likes to let these sort of things fester and then I can go a bit crazy".
         
I took that as my cue to leave as I've been that kind of crazy myself. Its angry and exhilarating, bloody, satisfying... and not without consequence, as the Whiterun guards very kindly explained to me while they dragged me across to the jails.
             
Over the next twenty days, flashes of a small drunken disagreement with half a regiment of Whiterun guards began to recount itself to my now, sober mind, and I remembered why I hadn't returned to Whiterun in a year and a half. I tried explaining that I was a Dragonborn and that I'd been the one who returned the Dragonstone, but they weren't that impressed. They told me they get x celebrities through the gates all the time and they "don't wanna go settin a president".
       
Why didn't I go to Falkreath. They like me there.

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 9

Homes under my hammer

I do have some people to see and places to be this month but I really need to finish my building projects at the manor so I can move the rest of my stuff in and give my good wife a reason to not smack me upside my head with the ladle every time I walk through the door, so I'd better get to it.
          
I really don't understand it. I put a Lightning rune on the porch outside the front door with a big sign saying "NO JUNK MAIL" so WTF...

Now that I've cleared that up,. I've taken the rune down and replaced it with a bear trap, perhaps Pat will get the hint.
       
Now i can get back to work on the East wing Armory. When I've finished building, I'll try and give you a video tour of the manor.
       
Got most of the weapons racks in place and then one of the Thirsk hall tribe turned up for a surprise visit, surprise? I didn't even tell them where I lived. Apparently they are the worlds best trackers and I leave a trail that even a blind rabbit could follow. I've decided to call him Bob as his Raiklin name sounds something like the noise you'd make if you trapped your Hero credits in a bear trap, which is funny because I'm sure I heard the messenger calling his name this afternoon.

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 8

Dwarfs and their machines

           Sent Hedge to hire a cleaner who deals with the dead, while I tried explaining to the missis. They had a great time at the petting zoo and I was enjoying their recounting of the day when Hoaur, my son, dropped the bombshell that they had brought a pet. A baby Skeaver named Scratch. I've have one myself for about a year that lives in the basement, called Itch ( he's such a flea bag) but I keep my stash down there so he makes a great guard. Hoaur wanted one like dads but I laid down the rules straight away. I expect it house trained by the time I get back from my next job. Last time it was a pet oil spider, and when I came home from a job in Whistan pass, I found the whole family hanging from the ceiling. The missis never was very good at cleaning out the cobwebs lol. He is pretty cute though.
          Anyway, some guy called Suoe (sure that's a girls name) in the Retching Netch in Ravenrock has offered to pay me for every Rieklin scalp I bring him. God knows what he's going to do with them, I didn't ask, and I don't want to know. It is a good deal and my tribe of Rieklins back at Thirsk Mead Hall have been having a lot of trouble with the Moesring clan at the top of Mount Raven so its killing two birds with one stone.

          Half way up and the weather is drawing in. Not that keen on the snow but it does make it hard for things to sneak up on you And it does mean you can see the cack before you step in it.

            Well its taken me the best part of two days and I'm at the top. I would say the view from here is breathtaking but I'm too busy trying to catch my breath at the moment. The airs a bit thin and I've just dealt with some Rieklin.

           Looted everything of value that I can find,and believe me,that wasn't much and collected the Reiklin scalps, pretty disgusting task in itself if I'm honest,  but I can see why Suoe would be interested if he's some sort of weapon smith cos the Rieklins hair seems very feather like and could be made into excellent  fletchings. I might take one back with and have a fiddle myself. 

        Now this is really weird. One of the Rieklin dwelling seems to have been made out of some dwarvan piece of machinery. Now I know I'm on the top of a mountain, but it looks like some sort of steam powered boat,,,or maybe a flying contraption? Dwarf's and their machines.

          Sorted out the rest of the Rieklins. Actually their quite reasonable one you learn their lingo and do the voice, which is easy if you have a gold coin between your teeth when someone whacks you in the plums with a mammoth tusk. We sat around the fire and smoked their moonsugar pipe and made a deal. They offered me twice what Suoe had offered if i promised not to kill anymore of them and explained that the only reason they had gone down to the moonshine drinking rednecks at Thirsk Hall in the first place, was to get the snow shovel back that they lent them last winter. I promised I would get it sent back to them asap, gave them my email in case they wanted to order any moonshine, then before I left I took the guy with the mammoth tusk (or girl, its so difficult to tell), round the back and gave him what I like to call education in first aid.

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 7

Log 7

          Back at the manner with my last sack of gold and the missis has taken the kids to the petting zoo in Solitude for the weekend, so I'm having a sort out while Hedge, my house Carl, (his real names Privet) has gone out to see if he can round up some dancing girls. 

Half way through my inventory and I have 367 books in my personal library. I thought I'd skimmed through most of them, when I came across a book that I had locked away in the safe, the Oghma Infinitum. Its an awful book,the cover is made from the flesh of all races and it doesn't have any pictures so I hadn't bothered to look at I before. When I opened it I found it had magical runes which to cut a long story short, made some of my flab disappear, filled me with a schoomer like invincibility and I felt like I could still handle my weapon even if Id lost my right arm, cool.

Well its Sunday morning and the place is a bit of a mess from the debauchery last night. Hedge brought back five dancers, two Nords an Imperial, two very accommodating Khajiit named Fluffy and Skhatt and an Argonian that he sneaked off to cellar with in the early hours.
      
          Its the morning after the night before and the Imperial ,Nigella has offered to cook a fry up, the two Nord's are tidying the place up a bit and Fluffy and Skhatt are going to explain the rules of Khajiitium twister to me again.

          OK, lesson learnt. Do at some point in your lives get two delightful energetic Khajiits to teach you the finer Nuance's of  Khajiitium Twister, let Nigella serve you breakfast, it was lush. Keep an eye on Nord's, they ran off with my best fucking silver. And don't leave your house Carl Hedge alone in the cellar stuffing an Argonian. How was I to know he was an insane taxidermist.

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 6

          Log 6

          Met up with the hippy historian at his buried ruins this evening. He seems to know quite a lot about old antiquity things so I let him take a look at the scimitars. As we sat around the camp fire he started spouting off about some guy called Haknir, the nines dirty secret,  the death brand and his magic armour, which I didn't find any sign of. Apparently he was a Pirate King and completely bonkers so he had his crew buried with him. I thought they looked a bit pissed off. Anyhow, he was waving these scimitars about and telling me about how when used together, these cursed weapons of Haknirs imbue the wielder with the power of greyskull or something, when he started giving of a faint glow and the grin on his face started getting bigger and bigger. If his grin had got any cheesier  you could have rolled him down a hill. They have a tradition of doing that in Riften, anyway, I digress. The hippy was waving these things about and blabbering on so much that neither of us sore the lone injured whiterun guard come staggering out of the shadows, until the hippy with a dramatic articulation, came to the climax of his history lesson and...well let's just say it wasn't a cheese wheel that rolled and squelched down the track. After that we decided it was best if I took back the scimitars, packed up our things, went our own ways and never spoke of this night again.

Memoirs of a Dragonborn - Log 5

Log 5

Hokay, sho perhapsh I shhoudnt have had lat lasst ale, but I knnoow I'm not halushanating when I Shay that iv hit their muvver loads! I've just found aladinsh cave, and itsh gotta be the bigished haul of golds I've ever sheen,thersh gold and chest fingiesh and cheasts, yep, wait I said dat, and gemsh and dewels. And a rough geush I'd sthay boy 20000 worth. I would be mush more chearfuls, if it went for the factsh that a shtupid porculis ring, (fing) has dropped and now I'm shtick in heresy and a can't get out. BUroorgh...that feels better. Worst than cath, I left the ales in the uvver rooms part..might just shit here and fink what todo nexth...

          I think I passed.....dam my head is banging like potion gone bad. Note to self, go easy on the Nord ale, its nice but has kick on it like mule.

          Anyway ,after downing a minor health potion I felt well enough at least, to assess my situation. They way back was indeed barred but another door leads forward. I have decided to bag up all the gold coins and level them here will I explore further in, I'm not lugging it round with me.

          Bagging that up took about an hour and I was knackered before I'd even started. Don't know how much was in there but it filled 27 large sacks. Its a good job I brought extra doggy bags. It was a short walk down to the tomb and I found myself fighting of the ghost of some aciant warrior dude and his rather persistent hoard of screaming maniacs. Theres three things you need to know about ghosts. A, their dead. B, they don't know their dead, and C, its hard to make them stay dead. Eventually they got the memo.
          Rather interesting, I found this neat scimitar on the alter thingy where the dudes burried and an almost identical one on his smouldering eathreal ashes, and when I hold them both at the same time they give of faint glow and send a strange tingle up my arms. It felt kind of neat but I'm not sure what its doing so will Get it looked at by a specialist. They have some squiggly writing on the blade which is pretty awesome,  Ooh their so light and..and...then I put them away before I did any perminant damage, if I haven't already.